So We Took A Trip

Once upon a time in a Prius packed with camping gear and booze, the Alfords set out on an adventure. They knew it would either end in divorce, death, or a rockin' good time. It Rocked and the marriage is still intact. This is the story of that trip.

(Behind the Music theme song plays here.)

So we packed up the car and headed east on our wonderful journey. We made it all of 4 miles until disaster struck. We had put our bikes on the bike rack and had almost made it to the interstate to leave Little Rock when we hit a bump, looked in the rear view mirror and noticed that the bikes were sagging. We pulled over at the Convention Center and found out that one of the straps on the rack had broken. We called our friend and local neighborhood superhero, Jerry Eans to rescue us. He took our bikes to his house and later brought them to Florida. Thanks, Jer.

We finally got on the road to Memphis and had Linner (that's lunch and dinner) with Chad "Human" Clay (It will never die!). It was good to see him one last time before he headed out to New York. We then proceeded to Chickasaw State Park outside of Memphis. It was pretty nice because we were the only people at the campgrounds until about 9:30 when a few cyclists came up to spend the night. It was pretty peaceful there and not as muggy as we thought it might be.

We had a few drinks and just enjoyed the silence of the park that night. LA took an Advil PM and slept wonderfully that night. We got up easily the next morning. I think it was because we knew where we were headed...The Jack Daniels Distillery! For those of you who don't know, LA and I like a good whiskey and coke so this was a big thing for us. Also, we really like tours. Party. Bonus. It was about a 4 hour drive from Chickasaw to Lynchburg via the back roads which made it much more enjoyable. Here is a picture of the road we took most of the way.

Ok. So we get to the Distillery (LA is now typing so bear with me for the mispellings and horrendous grammar). This was my favorito part of the vacay. We had an old dude with an amazing tennessee accent! He remided us of an older, distinguised (if you will) Steve Routon. He was hilarious and totally a lady's man. We got to sniff 140 proof whiskey in the casting barrells (actually more like 2 story bins of charcoal). It was AWESOME. Another cool part of the tour included the Still House where they boiled 40,000 gallons of whiskey in these ginormous metal tanks. When he opened the lid, it was intoxicating yet deathening...new word. the smell could knock you on your ass...and really make your eyes water. I have to say, though, the barrell room was the utmost impressive. The ultimate part of the tour...

We have tons more cool pics if you are interested. Just comment and let us know! We'll be happy to provide them for you until you can experience the fun for yourself.

(Back to Wes)

We were hoping for a tasting at Jack Daniel's but it is in a dry county. We did however buy a bottle of the 1981 gold medal winning whiskey. I'm pretty sure it is the regular whiskey but in a fancy bottle. Anywho, we are going to enjoy it this winter at the Christmas reunion/Hayes Carll show.

After leaving Jack we were on our way to Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountians. This is an amazing place. We knew it was going to be pretty but we did not expect what we got. It was insanely beautiful.

After checking in with the Rangers and getting our bear warning, we headed to our campsite and had just enough time to pitch a tent (heh heh) and cook a grilled cheese sandwich before the downpour of rain started. It rained from about 7:30 until around 4 in the morning. It soaked through our rain guard and saturated the tent so we could not touch it or water would come pouring in. You may have noticed from the earlier pic of our tent that it is not a large tent. My feet touched at one end and my head at the other. I had to sleep in the fetal position all night just so we would not get soaked. Fun.

We awoke to sunshine and blue skies and decided to go hiking. Cades Cove has an 11 mile scenic loop that most people drive. We decided we would walk it. It was a lot of fun. We saw a ton of deer and just took in all the scenery.

We ended up hiking 8 miles of the 11 and we had a blast. People were looking at us like we were crazy for walking the trail but we didn't care. They missed a lot of good picture opportunities.

Needless to say we were pretty tired after walking those 8 miles but we didn't want to take a nap so we headed into town and visited a bike shop called Cycology. Fitting, right? We finally made it back to camp and started cooking when the bears started smelling our food. They always seem to come around during dinner. Luckily, the Rangers know this and drive around on bear patrol.

We slept easy that night (except a few hours where LA thought a bear was outside our tent and sniffing around our car) and we got up the next morn to go hiking again. There was a trailhead at the back of the 11 mile loop that we had heard was a good hike to Abram's Falls. It was a 5 mile hike up some good hills but the payoff was totally worth it.

Again, we were tired but we would not sleep, so we went to the BurgerBuster. The BurgerBuster was a hometown dairy bar in Townsend, TN. We don't normally eat burgers, fries and ice cream but we felt we had earned it. It was totally awesome! They had HUGE ice cream cones and greasy, greasy burgers. Ahhhhhh, feel the arteries clog. After that, we went to the campsite and had some well deserved drinks while talking to some racist people from TN that were camping next to us. That was an experience.

We packed up the next morning and headed for Birmingham, AL and Allen and Areta. We arrived before they were off of work so we went to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. They were nice and fancy... but nothing like Garvan Woodland Gardens. We aren't biased at all, though. The Gardens did, however, have amazing vegetable and herb gardens. They had zuccini as big as my arm! After the Gardens, we went a bar to have some drinkies before going to Allen and Areta's to take our first showers in 4 days. It was GLORIOUS! You could feel the skankiness slip off you and head down the drain. (Allen and Areta, you might want to get some Skank Drano to clear up that drain.)

Allen and Areta then took us to an awesome pizza place in a neighborhood that looked eerily similar to Hillcrest. Totally great pizza at New York pizza if you are ever in B'ham and a fantastic ice cream shop a few doors down (We recommend the Milky Way Bar ice cream). After sufficiently stuffing ourselves, Allen took us on a tour of B'ham which included the Vulcan statue with his bare ass. Totally appropriate statue.

It was good to see some friends along the way and we thank Allen and Areta tremendously for putting us up for the night. (Bloggers Unite!)

LA and I slept in the next morning before heading to some Alabama wineries. We had planned on only visiting 2 put we found out that one of them had closed. Luckily, we found this out at the first winery so we didn't waste our time trying to find the second one. They did give us a map of all the wineries in AL so we were able to visit two others along the way. The wine in AL is similar to the wine in AR. A lot of muscadines and sweet wines...but they still get the job done. (LA's back again) Morgan Creek was the first of our 3 visits. They had a pretty good selection. We ended up getting 3 bottles from them (blush, Magnolia, Carlos). Next on our list was Vizzini Family Vineyards. They were 2nd because they also offered lunch...and we were STARVING! Their wines were ok. Not as good as the 1st but they had a new one called Apple Reisling. IT was pretty darn good. It tasted like apple juice...but the adult version that would give you a buzz. Our third and fianl winery was Ozan. The amazing thing about all 3 of these; they are within 5 miles of each other. Not bad for drinking purposes. The lady at Ozan was the mother of the owner and did not know too much about wine. But she knew how to have a good time! By the end she was laughing with us and giving bigger pours. (an aside)...at Vizzini, Wes anad I met 3 ladies who were having a girl's day. they were tasting wines there and were also moving on to Ozan. One took a particular liking to Wers. They even split a piece of chocolate together :) Ozan had an amazing peach wine. It tasted like liquid peaches. A & A, I highly recommend going to these wineries if you don't mind sweeter wines. This is a picture of us at Ozan.

We were supposed to stay at a State Park on the Florida/Alabama border that night. We ended up in the shadiest town in America. We fianally found the park and decided we could do better. The tent campgrounds consisted of 3 picnic tables and 2 fire pits all fencedin by chicken wire and it was right next to the boat launch for the lake. There weren't even Rangers in the office even though the sign said "Open." We decided that we would continue on to De Funiak Springs, FL instead of staying at the campsite from hell. We ended up at the Travelodge in De Funiak. It wasn't just a whole lot better but we did feel a little safer. We ended up sleeping on top of the blankets in our clothes because we weren't sure how clean it was. All in all, it was an interesting day of travel.

By this time we were only 45 mins from our beach house (if I hadn't taken us on a detour to Panama City). It was fun nonetheless. We were on the beach by noon and drunk by 1:30. That night we went to Goatfeather's and had some oysters and fresh seafood with the Fam and Bonnie and Jerry. It was nothing but good drinks and fresh oysters the rest of the week. Some of our fav's include: The Hurrican Oyster Bar, The Red Bar, Blue Orleans, and Southern Cafe.

For those of you who don't know how we kick it in Florida, here is the rundown. We get up about 6 am and go for a bike ride (we will ride anywhere from 15 to 40 miles). Afterwards, we will all meet at a restaurant, usually around 8, for cheese grits and beer or bloody marys. After that, we go home, grease up, and hit the beach. On the beach, we read, drink beer and margaritas, play horseshoes and generally raise havoc until about 5:30 or so. We then head in, clean up, and LA cooks up an amazing dinner with fresh seafood while Wes makes drinks for everyone. Here are a few pics of us in FL:

Thus ends an amazing 2 week vacation. But for all my homies who want to make fun of my 'stache, here it is.